My first marathon. Attempt. 28-07-2017. What a fail. Those words keep coming back to me. And it was, a big failure. I ran for the first 10kms, then the pain started creeping in. And my average pace till now was 9:00 Kilometers 10 to 20, were the laziest. I stopped more than like 15 times, stopped as in I walked. The pain got worse and worse. Just become completing the first 20kms. I realized I can’t run anymore, its too painful. The middle of the sole of both my feet were in pain. It was not a stamina problem, I was well hydrated and ate quite a lot, I hadn’t gotten side stitch even once throughout. It was a pain tolerance problem. Near around 18kms this old guy told me to not walk more than 20 steps, he said if I do that.. the body cools down and it gets harder to run after that. I tried what he said for a while, and he was right. But then again, it was not a stamina problem in the first place. Pain problem. —But this implies importance of order and boundaries and rules. Around 10kms I felt a nagging pain in my left hamstring, I stopped and stretched a couple of times, and it went away around 15kms. I complete half of the distance, clock says 3 hours and 24 minutes. In my mind I thought, yeah this is pretty bad and the pain is pretty bad but I gotta try to finish this somehow and I set out again on the same route to complete the second loop. Now I gotta improvise, just can’t run.. too much pain. Too much. Also thinking that “oh the cut off time is 12noon. so I have total of 7 hours. Gotta finish. Can finish maybe.” I start walking fast instead of running, comparatively lesser pain. I check my pace, says 9:20ish. I think wow great, I calculate a little and estimate that if I keep walking fast without any breaks, I can make it. I can make it before 12” —Improvise I decide to do that. I start walking fast from the start of the second loop. Its about 8:30AM right now. I am a little happy that I can make it. The pain is still there. Just not as bad as running. I figure that I somehow gotta bear this pain for 3 and a half hours, and then I’ll be done. So I walk and walk and walk. I see people finishing their second loop, and me on the other hand just getting started with the second loop. You could look at my face and tell how much pain I was experiencing. I was definitely one of the last 10 people running the full marathon. Basically everyone ahead of me. What have I done, seems to be the case of classic overestimation. I trained, but that was not nearly enough. Maximum I ran during the “training” was 10kms. What a joke. Here’s the punchline, ran on a flat ground. Who is gonna account for the elevation?? Tbh the elevation is what squeezed me out. After first 10kms, I was so done. Coming back to me walking fast, I do that for the next 7 kms. With each km, the pain would increase even more. At this point, I am experiencing the amount of pain as much as I would if I ran. So I decide to run on the downhills, oh boy was I wrong. Discovering new levels of possible running pain. After 7kms, I start stopping again and this time stopping didn’t mean walking slowly, it meant literal stopping and sitting in squat position. It was absolutely horrible, checking my pace now, for the last few splits it was around 10:00. Ran some calculations, figure I still might make it in time. But then the splits between kms 27-30 were around 12,13 or even 14 minutes per km. Definitely not gonna make it with this pace. No people in sight, no one ahead running, or behind. cue music “I walk alone” literally Sheer lack of practice and sheer overconfidence is to blame for all of this. During the kms 27-32 the pain has gotten to the point that I want to scream. I make sure no one is around or else they start asking questions, and then I scream. Walking fast and screaming. Running downhills and screaming. After around 30-31kms this guy tells me that cut off is 6 hours. I’m like balls is it 6 hours, I saw it in the website before it is 7 hours. I was 100% sure of this. He told me otherwise like 10 times that its 6 hours. And I’m no bro you are wrong. I felt like he was telling me 6 hours to motivate me to run again. I told him if it is 6 hours I might as well stop now coz I won’t make it in time. Then I decided to show him that it is 7 hours indeed. I open the website on my phone. Lo and behold, it is fucking 6 hours. These guys changed it. Long back it was 7 hours, I remember precisely. And they changed it idk when. Wow, what do now? Still walking fast, walked another km. Stopped and sat down on a couple of bricks. No one in sight. Half an hour remaining to the (actual) cut off time, I decide its not worth it to not make it in time. 10 kms to go. Walking slow was also painful now at this point. 2 minutes go by. I accept defeat. Book an uber. And start waiting. Thinking what a big fail the whole thing has been. Uber guy is about to come, but then this red car comes and stops. Its the organizing committee, picking up people who can’t do it. Who can’t run. Car of shame. They ask me do you wanna go back? I say yeah and get in the car. One of the most shameful moments of the day, spending time in that car. Seeing that like total 10 people are there who ain’t gonna make it but are still running or walking. And here I sit, a guy who chose to fail. This failure was not destined on that day. This failure was destined in the month before the race. The practice was a big fail. Super fail. —Practice realisitically The shame car takes us back to the starting point. I eat the breakfast. I binge on it basically. Super hungry. Legs still in pain. 90% of marathoners are already there chilling and eating and laughing and stretching, since God knows when. They the real winners. Medals around their neck, they taking pictures, they happy. They deserve it. These crazy bunch of people I tell you. I’m happy to see all this. I’m still sad to fail. Its bittersweet, all of this. Do I take the medal or not? But it would be unethical to take it, I didn’t finish. I paid for it though. I don’t take it. I decide I will take it the next year, when I actually finish the full marathon. I book a cab back home.